I know, I know. You’re like, WHAT is this chick talking about?
Haven’t you been taught your whole life that jealousy is a bad thing? That you should never ever covet what your neighbor has or that it’s a cardinal sin to feel the green-eyed monster?
Well today girls and girls, we’re going to change the way you think about this loaded, triggering word. Bear with me:
Imagine you see your best friend living this great life: traveling to Italy where she can eat fresh homemade pasta and drink local wine, all the while sitting across from her love where they laugh and talk their days and nights away. (All recorded by the way of the ‘gram… this is how you know what they’re experiencing because following them around and spying on them would be WEIRD).
Anyhoo, back to the social media glam trip your bestie is on. You feel it in your gut.
That slow burn of jealousy. And then here it comes. The pious angel on your shoulder that says, “Girl, stop being jealous of Mandy’s (insert your bestie’s name here) trip. You know it’s ugly to covet things you can’t have.”
But that green devil on the other side? She’s like, “Dang, why can’t you have that? Why does she get to do all the fun stuff while you’re stuck here slogging away like a servant for this company you hate?”
Back and forth they go. This causes you to feel sick to your stomach, maybe have some flare ups of anxiety, some racing thoughts, and the best feeling of all, GUILT.
Yes, you feel guilty for even wanting what she has or wishing you had it. You feel guilty for not being SO happy that Mandy is enjoying her two-week trip that she’s wanted to take for years. Why can’t you be like everyone else, you ask yourself.
So, here’s where I want you to start changing the way you look at jealousy. Yes, all of these responses are NORMAL. Everyone experiences them, but I’m challenging you to use this normal, gut reaction as a light, a mirror even.
Jealousy is really a sign, a nudge, a push that what you’re feeling jealous about is WHAT. YOU. WANT. So, you’re jealous of Mandy’s Italy trip? Because you want to do that and go there! That promotion Theresa received at work? You also want that! That Kate Spade crossover your sister-in-law has? You want it.
Here’s what I’m encouraging you to do with this information. First, let the feelings just flow over you. Don’t react. Instead, take notes.
Jealousy will now be your guide. It’s telling you that you need to start doing these things for yourself, planning these trips, saving for that purse, studying for that promotion. Use it for good and as a push to achieve the things you want.
This is particularly helpful if jealousy comes out of nowhere with something you NEVER realized before that you want. Maybe it’s not working Fridays ever again after seeing your cousin do this. Or maybe it’s staying in your pjs all day Sundays, guilt free. Or maybe it’s a bigger goal like quitting that job you hate and finally opening your own bookstore. Or going back to school to achieve your degree after seeing your co-worker graduate with her bachelor’s.
The list is endless, but the bottom line is you only live this life once as YOU (depending on what you believe of course), so why not take advantage of NOW and begin living the life you’ve always dreamed of? Why are you waiting? Are you afraid? Stuck?
We got you!
If you need a sideline cheerleader, a woman who’s been there and can encourage you to do the same, we are the place to go! Our rock star group of women therapists are waiting to help you get unstuck, make friends with your jealousy and begin living. You can schedule NOW online easily and quickly by going to our website EmpoweredConnections.net and clicking on the Client Portal tab. Or, if you’re an old-fashioned gal with questions, you can call our administrative goddess Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at 301-690-0779, ext. 700. See you soon!
About Empowered Connections
Our sparkly team of women therapists have been specially chosen and trained to assist you in gaining more strength, finding your courage, reaching your goals, and managing your mental health like a superhero! We now offer two locations in Leonardtown and Dunkirk to better serve our Southern Maryland community and have big dreams of owning locations all over the country so stay tuned at EmpoweredConnections.net to follow our journey. To make an appointment, you can go to our website and schedule easily online or you can call our administrative goddess Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. at 301-690-0779, ext. 700.
Meet the Therapists at the New Dunkirk Office
Founder Deborah Duley, MSW, LMSW
Empowered Connections was founded in 2013 by Deborah Duley, MSW, LMSW, with a rebellious spirit and a big dream of connecting women and girls everywhere through specialized mental health therapy. Deborah and the team that she has created strongly believe that women need connection to heal. Their motto: Where you have been, so have we. Where your story is our story! We believe in connection, in the strength of women, that family (whatever that looks like for you) is our priority, in offering excellent customer service and that having the freedom to live the life we love, is paramount to everything else. We believe that women are the future and that we have the power to change the world! We believe in the huge ripple effect of this change and are striving every day to help women and girls discover and empower their inner warrior!
Amanda Fincher, MA, LCPC
Amanda Fincher is a Licensed Clinical Professional Therapist born and raised in Cecil County, now a resident of Anne Arundel County. She earned her Bachelor of Arts in Criminal Justice and her Master of Education in School Counseling from the University of Maryland College Park. Amanda has 19 years of experience working with children ages 4-18, is certified in Educational Leadership and holds the highest teaching certification as a National Board-Certified Teacher. Many years working as a school counselor has afforded her opportunities to speak at National conferences, initiate Measuring Mindfulness practices in schools and many workshops and presentations centered around mental health. She has an inside understanding of the school system and its support programs for children with needs, including the Special Education process, Section 504, Functional Behavior Assessments, and Behavior Intervention Plans. Amanda is happily married to her husband with three young, very busy children. When Amanda isn’t helping children, she is practicing Reiki, volunteering for the Red Cross, dreaming about the next family vacation or snuggling with her cat. You can reach her directly at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 301-690-0779, ext. 703.
Laryssa Creswell, Ed.D, LCPC
Laryssa M. Creswell Ed.D., MT-BC, LCPC, LPC, was born and raised in the Midwest and moved to Maryland 18 years ago for an internship and never left. Dr. Creswell earned her master’s degree in Music Therapy from Loyola University New Orleans and a Doctor of Education in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University/NOVA. She is licensed in Maryland, the District of Columbia and is Board Certified in Music Therapy. She has worked in the field of mental health in various settings for nearly 20 years and spent the last 12 years in a clinical and administrative role in a psychiatric hospital providing treatment for adult women and men civilly and forensically committed. She is also an adjunct professor teaching emerging counselors. Dr. Creswell has a wealth of knowledge in trauma, substance use disorders, individual and group therapy. She has published research on women’s perspectives of treatment in the psychiatric institution and continues to conduct research on best practices for women with mental illness, substance abuse and trauma histories. Dr. Creswell adores quiet days with her husband and two children. She loves music, reading a good book, journaling, teaching, traveling, window shopping, and trying new restaurants. One of her guilty pleasures is binge watching all things reality TV! She will be working with women 19 and up in the Dunkirk office. Reach her directly at email@example.com or call 301-690-0779, ext. 707.