Who Do You Think You Are? No, Really…


Do you have a good sense of who you are as a person? I’m sure you know who you are as a parent, or girlfriend, employee and neighbor. But do you really know yourself in an intimate way? 

I think one of the intimidating worries about coming to therapy is that your therapist is going to try to change you. Or, you worry that you’ll have to completely change in order to feel better. 

Yes, some of this is true, but in reality, we’re not here to change you, rather to figure out who you really are and magnify the heck out of that! Our therapeutic approach is really about revealing your true essence, which has been buried by all the years of hurt, negative messages, self-doubt, and self-criticism. To deal with all of that crap you’ve been wading through your whole life, you have probably developed some pretty negative coping skills and thought patterns. 

That’s where we come in! I’m curious if you recognize yourself doing some of these thought patterns to deal with the crazy around you: 

1. Black or white thinking: You think that either you must be perfect, or you suck. You tend to think that either your life is wonderful or it’s the worst. You’re an either/or gal! 

2. Catastrophizing: This is a popular one! Do you automatically go right down the rabbit hole (hey, Alice!) whenever anything bad happens? For example, your boss doesn’t say hi to you in the morning with her usual smile, so you automatically think, “oh dang, I’m so fired, I don’t know why I thought I could do this job, now I’m going to be humiliated and embarrassed and how the hell am I going to be able to pay my car payment next week???” Yeah. You know who you are… 

3. Personalization: This is when you think anything that happens around you is directly because of you. The cashier at Giant that was rude to you? That’s because she thinks you’re a selfish jerk because you didn’t bring your bags with you. Or that fight at the holiday dinner at your sister-in-law’s? That’s because you didn’t see it coming and redirect the conversation before it headed south. You’re always comparing yourself to everyone around and looking for evidence that you don’t measure up. 

4. Minimization: My personal favorite! This is when you basically minimize anything positive people say to you. Your bestie compliments your dress and you immediately say, “This thing? I look like a potato sack in it.” Or, your partner tells you how great dinner was, and you respond with, “At least I didn’t burn it!” Always deflecting any compliments from others – or worse – talking yourself out of any positive thoughts you have is what this little ditty is and it’s a rotten one. 

I’ve listed these examples to show you that we all develop these kinds of thought patterns over the years to help us manage what’s happening to us and around us. Figuring out what specific tools, patterns, and habits you’ve taken on is the first step in peeling back the layers to seeing the real YOU – the girl that you remember who loved swinging on the swings, hiking to the creek at your grandma’s, making homemade cards, and taking in the sunsets. Spend five minutes right now and jot down all the things you used to do, used to be, and used to love that you can remember growing up. This is the woman you are now! You have just fallen out of touch with her, but part of your therapist’s job is to get you reacquainted – reacquainted to the you who used to be open and trusting, who was excited about life, who loved taking chances! 

Let’s find YOU again! We’re super skilled at seeing YOU, hearing YOU, appreciating YOU, and reminding YOU that you don’t need to change who you really are! We just have to figure out what you’ve been using as a mask and shield for protection. Our therapists can begin rewiring your brain and your habits to settle into the fabulous bad ass person you’ve always been! We got you. 

Schedule online to begin getting back to YOU at EmpoweredConnections.net/ client-portal

Previous articleHospitality at Its Finest: Baltimore’s Ivy Hotel
Next articleIs Tooth and Gum Health Really THAT Important?
DEBORAH DULEY is a licensed social worker in the state of Maryland and the owner of Empowered Connections with offices in Leonardtown and Lusby, Md. Empowered Connections has provided therapy to hundreds of women over the years and we love it! Based on the growing need of empowered support and years of research, we have developed an empowerment coaching program designed specifically for the high achieving, high functioning woman that is feeling overwhelmed, not good enough, and/or is juggling multiple roles. The woman who wants to increase their self-esteem, grow their resilience, get clear on who they are as humans and finally leave all the crap behind, that no longer serves them. Our program is designed to figure out WHERE that comes from, WHY and HOW to change it. No need to relive painful memories or experiences like we do in the traditional therapy room. Boom! So empowering! Our coaches are mental health professionals that have been specially trained with our EC curriculum to deliver this content to you in a way that gets results and we’re so excited to offer this program alongside our traditional therapy services!