I think most of us women struggle with this at some point in our lives. There are men that struggle with this too but since we only work with women, we’re talking to you!
We’ve been taught our whole childhood that we have to be “good girls” or “nice.” How many times did we hear this growing up and STILL hear it? Ugh!
Having this message as part of our emotional landscape will sometimes create a very compliant personality, which causes us to ignore our wants and needs, and to always please everyone around us. We might shrink at the hint of conflict or do everything we can to avoid an argument.
So, what IS a doormat exactly? Other words you might have heard to describe this term might be “people pleaser, too nice, pushover, wussy” … you get the drift!
Next, how do you know (or suspect) that you might be a doormat?
Here are 5 signs that you could be one:
- If you feel resentment simmering beneath the surface during an activity or event that you agreed to do despite your inner voice telling you NO
- Feeling like you are always compromising in your relationships
- Always being the one who everyone expects will contribute to something, even without asking
- You always and immediately give in at the first sign of conflict
- Having a consistent and yucky feeling of never having your needs met or feelings heard
Now look, there’s nothing wrong with compromising and saying yes to something when you know it will make your partner, friend, or loved one happy. Do I always want to go look at wood shops with my husband? Not really, but I know he loves it and it is a small price for me to pay for his happiness. And he does the same for me.
BUT, there is a fine line between compromise and doormat behavior. It comes down to the ALWAYS verses sometimes behavior. Do you always say yes even when you’re exhausted and want to say no? Then you may be a doormat.
Do you always agree to do whatever your partner wants even though you’d much rather do something else and are afraid to speak up? Then you may be a doormat.
Do you always suffer in silence at family events even though they know you hate board games/roast beef/whatever it is, because you don’t want to cause an issue? You might be a doormat, girl.
So, how do you fix this? This is where we come in!
Our new program Empowered Connections Coaching is a great space to look at this nasty little habit alongside your Empowerment Coach, to figure out why you do it, and then to begin helping you change your behaviors that support this way of thinking. Essentially, we’ll teach you to give zero hoots about what everyone else around you thinks and does!
You don’t have to stay a doormat – let us work with you in eradicating this annoying behavior. Why? Because you deserve to have your feelings and needs met. You deserve to have a life where you feel confident that others are not taking advantage of you! With this program, you will learn how to put yourself first (most of the time) and really feel good about the choices and decisions you make. Changing this behavior will literally change your life!
Stay tuned for more information on Empowered Connections’ beta launch of EC Coaching in early summer 2021 at www.myeccoach.com. See you there!